Satan is Black, Jesus is Yellow and other lies we tell in Church

03 Jun

Disclaimer: You probably opened this thinking it was another discussion on race issues. Sorry to disappoint you but try and have a chat with Donald Sterling (I heard he’s asked Black Jesus to forgive him).

How I think he must have looked like in that black church

But if this still sounds like a racism dialogue, maybe racism isn’t a good thing, then.



I often volunteer as a children’s teacher in church

Because I love kids, they are the clearest mirrors of a society’s tendencies

Then I’m teaching the kids a song.

I noticed, a little boy singing:

I love Jesus he’s my friend (he hugs a very fair skinned girl beside him)

So I change the song, then he goes:

I hate Satan; he’s my enemy (he pushes a dark-skinned boy sitting in front of him)

I’m appalled but I’ve learnt to be careful when challenging conventions

Especially in church.

I’m a volunteer, the real teacher is Mummy T.

As carefully as possible, I ask the boy?

Why do you think Satan is black?

He’s in hell fire and he’s burning. (I guess that was careful enough).

For people like us, Nigeria must be hell fire, being almost directly under the sun and making us black. I told him.

Then he seemed to notice he was also black (at least compared to the girl beside him). The other kids start laughing. Mummy T doesn’t like my conversation (I guess you know why).

I ask the kids to open Revelation chapter one verse fifteen.

The first person to tell me Jesus’ complexion (at least the feet and eyes give a hint) from that verse will get a fifty naira biscuit (a lie – the biscuit is forty naira and Mummy T knows). She shakes her head.

Tayo gets the answer; fine brass is like deep brown almost going red. Not totally black but closer to black than yellow or white.

One brilliant girl just shouts, Jesus is like my mummy’s colour.

Mummy T brings out a book with a Jesus painting and tells me the kids read it.

I understand, I used the same book years ago.

What of Satan’s colour?

I really told the kids I didn’t know (a little honesty makes a child trust you). But I added that paintings say he is black but nobody has seen him physically.

The kids understand. I’m the hero of the day.

Everybody is happy with the new knowledge.

Only Mummy T is concerned. She knows I have heard that she told the teenagers class that gays and lesbians are animalistic (or let’s just say behave like animals).

But hey, all lies told in the church, stays in the church…..



Posted by on 03/06/2014 in General


2 responses to “Satan is Black, Jesus is Yellow and other lies we tell in Church

  1. livelytwist

    03/06/2014 at 9:35 pm

    Interesting, “Why do you think Satan is black? He’s in hell fire and he’s burning.”
    Don’t kids just give us stuff to chew on? 🙂


    • Tito Tobi

      04/06/2014 at 12:44 pm

      Lol 🙂 I actually imagined Satan burning like beans when he said that stuff. It’s why I love ’em sha. Their logic is simple to understand.



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