Tag Archives: Family

The BIG Name Change Question

So my Mum and Dad came up with this strange topic:
They had noticed that an increasing number of newly-weds don’t either completely drop their maiden names or outrightly just don’t adopt the new husband’s name. And they were directly facing me with a question-what’s my view about it? Lemme say at this point that imma be getting married in a couple o’ months (or years), so anything I say or don’t say may be used against me on my wedding day!
As per Naija Boi that I am , I know this is a sensitive topic. So I’m standing on an egg without breaking it, if I can wriggle out of this safe.
But can a man really do anything much if you’ve married the love of your life and you eventually discovered she keeps her maiden name(maybe with your surname attached like a strange rat-tail) on her documents and even on her facebook profile.
My Mum thinks men are just being too docile,not willing to take responsibility and not putting their foot down enough.
My Dad thinks it’s also the fault of the men.
But one thing I like is that they both admitted, this issue wasn’t even a question to be asked in the days when they got married-the lady, as if on auto-pilot, changed her surname and she did it proudly.
I’m asking, will you really risk your wife’s happiness on a name-change issue and do you think men are to be blamed for a woman’s decision.
Remember, the long-standing family formular before you answer:
Happy Wife=Happy Life.

The Strange Rat-tail

The Strange Rat-tail

Check this blog for new posts by Tito Tobi on Wednesdays or Saturdays. His books are available on


Posted by on 24/09/2014 in General


Tags: , , , ,

Miss Jackson and The Talk About Fetish Jealousy – Is it a Blacks only theme?

Outkast. Picture from


One of the most successful musical singles of all time is the song by American rap duo, Outkast titled “Miss Jackson”.  The song chorus goes like this:

I’m sorry Miss Jackson (oh)

I am for real

Never meant to make your daughter cry

I apologize a trillion times.

I remember the theme of the song and the story portrayed in the song’s video. I’ll categorize it all as fetish jealousy. Now what’s fetish jealousy, you ask. Well, the story in “Miss Jackson” says there was a woman named Miss Jackson and she had a daughter who got pregnant for a “no-good” boy in the neighbourhood. One of Miss Jackson’s main troubles with the boy is that, he isn’t from the same neighbourhood as her family. This is evident in the line that says “She … having her boys come from her neighbourhood”. Miss Jackson insists on taking custody of the baby and the baby’s mother (her daughter) and she insists the boy pay all sorts of bills. That’s responsibility and it turns out the boy is able to pay up all the bills but Miss Jackson keeps asking for more until she eventually goes to court and it is revealed that she holds expensive birthday parties in the name of the child and doesn’t invite the baby’s father. She hosts fish frying parties and cookouts and even when her daughter decides it’s time to go live with her husband and the father of her child, Miss Jackson refuses. Her daughter gets angry and stops speaking with her. The boy accuses Miss Jackson of jealousy, infidelity, envy, cheating and beating because as you may have noticed, Miss Jackson was never married to any man. She preferred to remain single and have several men at her beck and call. She is also known to be fetish. Hence, the phrase, fetish jealousy. She used fetish means to make sure her demands her met and jealousy is what drives her to ensure her daughter isn’t happily married to the man she loves. This sort of story I know is not really strange to an African.

Virtually everyone I know has someone in their family whose description fits that of Miss Jackson, maybe not a mother-daughter or mother- son in law relationship but definitely that fetish, jealous and envious part shown to a lesser relative. I confess that I have someone in my extended family that we all see to have that. In actual fact, when I watched the Miss Jackson music video, I was shocked for Miss Jackson looked very much like the person in question physically.

However, I’ve seen the concept of a “Miss Jackson”- relative consistently replayed in many black movies and music videos. Well, maybe as Mr Jackson in some cases. In fact, recently honoured Nigerian actress, Patience Ozokwor, is stereotypically played in that role and has gained international prominence playing such roles in probably up to a hundred movies (no exaggerations). But I’ve really not seen the concept played in a non-black video and I begin to wonder is this a peculiar thing to the black race? How real is the existence of familial fetish jealousy in this age? Is it simply another outdated mentality that is being over-played instead of being relegated to a dying position.

Your opinions do count.

PS: My first novel will be published on 14th March, 2014 and I will appreciate it greatly if you’ll be one of my first readers. I promise it’ll be sold at a relatively low cost and I’ll put up the links as soon as it’s available for sale.


Leave a comment

Posted by on 06/03/2014 in Uncategorized


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,


default images default2

A Cheering Testimony

I just heard this very early today from a friend and it moved my heart.

There’s this neighbour of ours, a friend whose father was a staff in a big Nigerian bank. They had money but rarely feared God.
One day, the man was sick and his wife was with him in Katsina (a state in Northern Nigeria) where the doctors had just handed off his case and described it as hopeless. His wife called my Dad and told him that her husband was going to die and nothing could stop it. She just wanted my family to take care of their kids before she returned from Katsina (probably with their dead fathers body).
The kids were really small. Little Children.
Then my father called them and told them their dad was sick and was going to die. He asked them if they wanted to be fatherless and they said No, as expected. Then he asked them to kneel down and pray to God for their father. They knelt down and started praying so much, they were crying. I was so touched by the sight that I also started crying.
Then the next day, their mother called to say that the man had recovered quickly and so the man is still alive till today.

My focus is not on the prayers but on the people who prayed it. I know their is a portion of the bible that says ”the angels of these little ones behold the face of God continually”. Put your child before God, pray for children, care for children, be kind to them, help them with what you know will guarantee a great future for them. You may as well be saving your self. Even the powerful cherubims before the throne of God cannot look into God’s face.

Leave a comment

Posted by on 09/11/2013 in Uncategorized


Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

%d bloggers like this: