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The BIG Name Change Question

So my Mum and Dad came up with this strange topic:
They had noticed that an increasing number of newly-weds don’t either completely drop their maiden names or outrightly just don’t adopt the new husband’s name. And they were directly facing me with a question-what’s my view about it? Lemme say at this point that imma be getting married in a couple o’ months (or years), so anything I say or don’t say may be used against me on my wedding day!
As per Naija Boi that I am , I know this is a sensitive topic. So I’m standing on an egg without breaking it, if I can wriggle out of this safe.
But can a man really do anything much if you’ve married the love of your life and you eventually discovered she keeps her maiden name(maybe with your surname attached like a strange rat-tail) on her documents and even on her facebook profile.
My Mum thinks men are just being too docile,not willing to take responsibility and not putting their foot down enough.
My Dad thinks it’s also the fault of the men.
But one thing I like is that they both admitted, this issue wasn’t even a question to be asked in the days when they got married-the lady, as if on auto-pilot, changed her surname and she did it proudly.
I’m asking, will you really risk your wife’s happiness on a name-change issue and do you think men are to be blamed for a woman’s decision.
Remember, the long-standing family formular before you answer:
Happy Wife=Happy Life.

The Strange Rat-tail

The Strange Rat-tail

Check this blog for new posts by Tito Tobi on Wednesdays or Saturdays. His books are available on http://www.smashwords.com

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Posted by on 24/09/2014 in General

 

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Death to the Broken-hearted

Let him that hath not love be

Let him be clubbed to death

He that let an arrow pierce his heart

Be left to bleed to death

He that was forcefully un-milked

Shalt be stabbed with a poisoned prick

He that hath little

Hath the little taken

He that hath none, save his life

Let not his life be safe with him

His heart is broken, why doth he yet live

It’s not the natural order, for the heartless die

A bounty on the broken-hearted

Reward his killer with the king’s wealth.

 

 

Poem written and published by Tito Tobi Oyetimein

 
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Posted by on 29/03/2014 in Poems

 

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My American Friend and the Organic Fruits of our Loom

Some weeks ago, I met this lady in Zaria, Kaduna State of northern Nigeria. At first glance, I knew she wasn’t African but I was shocked to learn that she is an American. Seeing an American in Northern Nigeria in the last few years is almost like catching a crab in the desert. Nearly impossible with all the fear of bombing and kidnapping.

I don’t blame them, though.

After the intimating and petty introductions, we get to talking about books and writing. She shows me a couple of Nigerian books she’s gotten. I noticed most of them talked about politics. Then she showed me her American books and I noticed most talked about food. That’s how I knew she newly arrived in Nigeria and will be leaving soon. They never stay-only the Lebanese and Chinese do.

The discussion shifted to food. I have no idea why Americans talk a lot about food. I only know that the part of the body that the English man calls mouth is called a ”Pie Hole” in Americanese. Well, keeping a blog educates me a bit. I simply tell her I prefer fruits to many other foods. She didn’t like that. She wanted to meet a ”Real Nigerian” that eats lots of chilli. I assure her that I also do that.

”A yoruba man that doesn’t eat pepper is weak”.

Then she tells me about our good organic fruits that she’s tasted in the last 2 weeks. I’m a graduate student and I didn’t even know our fruits where different from American fruits. Like we have organic oranges and they have inorganic oranges….something like that. As a Naija boy, you don’t easily show what you don’t know. I listen to her VERY WELL as she explains the processing and genetic ”mutilation” (sounds like circumcision, right?) the fruits undergo to become tastier and seedless.

Then I remember that I’ve actually heard of stuff like that when I used to visit a pharmacologist in LUTH (Lagos University Teaching Hospital). He was working on making such fruits. This is something they are already eating in America, and they’re obviously tired of it. I just hope they won’t get tired of accepting the LGBT things too.

Anyway, I learnt the benefits of our organic fruits which many of my friends don’t like because of the number of minutes it takes to remove the seeds. She is staying in Abuja for a few days before returning but she tells me the most important part of her feeding experience is the good fruits she has eaten in Zaria, you should taste the water-melon here.

It made me wonder how many good things Nigeria has but doesn’t appreciate and how much Northern Nigeria loses to the constant fighting and killings. We probably even lose the opportunity to have people who will appreciate something about us.

Anyway, there’s another spin-off story of my meeting with another American in Nigeria some years ago and I’ll love to share that one. Just remembered it now because of something I encountered on the net some hours ago.

RIP….The Fourty Two Angelic little children of Federal Government College, Yobe State murdered in their hostels by He Who cannot be Named.

 
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Posted by on 26/02/2014 in Uncategorized

 

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My True Love and its Evils

This story reminds me of the first lady I remember having a crush on. Her name was Funke (pronounced as foo:n-kE) and we met at an examination venue. That meant little time to talk ‘the fairy tales’ but somehow the love fairy (Is that Oberon from Shakespeare’s or someone else?) seemed to sprinkle the love juices on her eyelids too. We got close and later it just somehow…..

Oh my! Read the story first, it’s not about me but my audience….you.

Strange as Love

 

Love is sometimes strange. It can build someone as well as destroy someone.
Just like many stories, it started the first time he saw her; just like in a fairy tale he was frozen, could not understand what was happening to him. It took him some days to realize actually he was in love with that girl and decided to propose to her. But via one of his friends he got to know that the girl was already with someone. Broken, he was unable to forget that girl…years passed but still that girl was on his mind…he already lost his heart with that girl…..but what destiny plans no one yet has been able to understand…. He got on facebook and one day, a conversation starts with a girl… They exchange a few words and in the conversation he got to tell her his story, how he lost his love before he could get a chance……but as fate would have it, he was actually narrating his story to the girl herself……the girl eventually tells him she’s never had any boyfriend…..excited, he promised that he will prove his love for her and everyday show her how much he loves her….but like in every love story; if there is no hardship, nothing is gained…… that girl had no mobile….the only way to get contact with her was the online chat….so the guy waits for her to come online everyday to talk with her…. Finally, she says yes to him….the guy says that he’ll always keep her happy ….but every time the girl breaks up with him yet they patch it up….

And like this it went on….

Once they were together and her birthday was near, the guy wished to invite all their friends, book a restaurant and surprise the girl. He bought a ring and decided to make her his…. It was the day he was waiting for….. ring in pocket…bought a cake and champagne and left it in the restaurant…..bought a bouquet…..everyone was present and was waiting for her to come….. From afar she finally came into sight and was coming towards him but while she came closer, he felt as if someone smashed his heart…..but with courage in his heart and determination to make her happy they converged at the restaurant where a table was already booked…. The girl just says we need to talk….the tears he was holding back just dropped …….and he could not say anything as the waitress was coming with the cake…. they sang happy birthday for her and she cut the cake………..all her friends along with their boyfriends were there and she announced to the entire group and says we need to break this up….my family is against it and with that she leaves him….all her friends tried to change her decision but she was determined to leave him………I know you wanted a happy ending but, hey….

It’s just how true love is compensated.

While the girl says true love does not exist…..he’s still trying to get over it and make his life with someone else but still he could not forget her as love like this happens only once…… the rest is just life.

A quote from Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s last novel, Americanah, suffices “Man, we never marry the one we truly love; we all marry the one who is available when we’re ready”.

Back to me, her name wasn’t Funke.

What did you expect? We’re still friends on facebook and she’ll probably see this.

Heck, now, do you still believe that? Or anything anyone says after such an experience as this.

 
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Posted by on 23/02/2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Aside

“Dear Children,
Should the Lord give you the
good gift of a husband or wife,
and I hope He does, there are a
few things I want you to know.
Things that you may not hear
from anyone else, and certainly
not on TV or other media. Sadly,
your church may not even tell
you.Marriage, sweet little people,
is not for the purpose of your
happiness. Happy as I want you
to be and hope you will be, you
must yet understand that
marriage is God’s design and His
purposes must be pursued in
order for you to be truly happy.
His end is holiness and He will
use all things in a life devoted to
Him to fulfil that end.
To my girls:
Marry a man whose first pursuit
is God. After that, he is not hard
to please. Admire him, cheer him
on and show gratitude, and he
will fall over himself trying to
please you. Smile often, speak
well of him always, and do
whatever necessary to try and
maintain a pleasant mood about
you so that it transfers to your
home, making it a place where
he and your children love to
be.You’ll have bad days of course,
crying days even, and that’s
when you go to your bedroom,
kneel on the floor and beg the
Lord to carry you. Then get up,
get a fresh perspective (crayons
will come off the wall), and try
again. Above all else, make a
home.
To my boys:
Marry a woman whose first
pursuit is God. After that, she
may be hard to please only if you
don’t know “the secret”. What is
that? I’m
glad you asked. The secret to
pleasing your wife is to make her
feel safe and treasured. You may
have to move out of your
comfort zone to do this at times.
She won’t always readily
translate the oil change to love,
though it means that. But let me
give you a “secret question”–a
question you need to ask her
often. It’s not just in the asking,
though. Be sure to focus your
eyes on hers, maybe even touch
her shoulder or face, and then
ask: “What’s on your mind these
days? “ And then be ready to
listen. She wants you to draw her
out. She will perceive this as your
protection over the matters of
her heart. Tenderness, listening,
protection. That’s what she
wants.
To you all:
If your wife or husband does
something really stupid, forgive.
If they do it again, forgive again.
Forgiveness must be the
propelling force in your lives
each day. Dwell on the strengths,
push out thoughts of their
weaknesses. Take every thought
captive–choose to love.
Here’s that part you are not
going to hear often:
If you find yourself “not happy”,
having lost attraction,
disinterested, etc., you are not
permitted to even think about a
divorce. If you find yourselves
arguing more and more, don’t
think for a minute that “the
children will be better off out of
this”, because they won’t.
The vows you took on your
wedding day were not
suggestions. They were covenant
vows, before a Holy God, family
and friends, to stay with this
person the rest of your life, even
if you don’t feel like it. You swore
a solemn oath and if you can’t
live up to it, don’t get married.
Decide up front that your
marriage is irrevocable. There is
far more motivation for getting
along if your “marriage house”
has no door.
Do not share intimate thoughts
or feelings with anyone of the
opposite sex. Do not find yourself
alone for any length of time with
such either.
Divorce is not a “private option”.
It will affect multiple families for
many generations. When you
“separate what God has joined”
you
permanently injure far more than
just yourself.
Guard your marriage as fiercely
as you would guard your own
life. Treat your spouse as an
extension of your flesh, just as
God sees you. Treat your spouse
like other family members. You
know, “you gotta love ‘em,
they’re the only family you’ve
got”.
I want you to be happy, I surely
do. But I will pray for you to be
holy.”
—— Author Unknown

MARRIAGE ADVICE FROM ANONYMOUS

 
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Posted by on 12/01/2014 in Uncategorized

 

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