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The BIG Name Change Question

So my Mum and Dad came up with this strange topic:
They had noticed that an increasing number of newly-weds don’t either completely drop their maiden names or outrightly just don’t adopt the new husband’s name. And they were directly facing me with a question-what’s my view about it? Lemme say at this point that imma be getting married in a couple o’ months (or years), so anything I say or don’t say may be used against me on my wedding day!
As per Naija Boi that I am , I know this is a sensitive topic. So I’m standing on an egg without breaking it, if I can wriggle out of this safe.
But can a man really do anything much if you’ve married the love of your life and you eventually discovered she keeps her maiden name(maybe with your surname attached like a strange rat-tail) on her documents and even on her facebook profile.
My Mum thinks men are just being too docile,not willing to take responsibility and not putting their foot down enough.
My Dad thinks it’s also the fault of the men.
But one thing I like is that they both admitted, this issue wasn’t even a question to be asked in the days when they got married-the lady, as if on auto-pilot, changed her surname and she did it proudly.
I’m asking, will you really risk your wife’s happiness on a name-change issue and do you think men are to be blamed for a woman’s decision.
Remember, the long-standing family formular before you answer:
Happy Wife=Happy Life.

The Strange Rat-tail

The Strange Rat-tail

Check this blog for new posts by Tito Tobi on Wednesdays or Saturdays. His books are available on http://www.smashwords.com

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2 Comments

Posted by on 24/09/2014 in General

 

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Aside

“Dear Children,
Should the Lord give you the
good gift of a husband or wife,
and I hope He does, there are a
few things I want you to know.
Things that you may not hear
from anyone else, and certainly
not on TV or other media. Sadly,
your church may not even tell
you.Marriage, sweet little people,
is not for the purpose of your
happiness. Happy as I want you
to be and hope you will be, you
must yet understand that
marriage is God’s design and His
purposes must be pursued in
order for you to be truly happy.
His end is holiness and He will
use all things in a life devoted to
Him to fulfil that end.
To my girls:
Marry a man whose first pursuit
is God. After that, he is not hard
to please. Admire him, cheer him
on and show gratitude, and he
will fall over himself trying to
please you. Smile often, speak
well of him always, and do
whatever necessary to try and
maintain a pleasant mood about
you so that it transfers to your
home, making it a place where
he and your children love to
be.You’ll have bad days of course,
crying days even, and that’s
when you go to your bedroom,
kneel on the floor and beg the
Lord to carry you. Then get up,
get a fresh perspective (crayons
will come off the wall), and try
again. Above all else, make a
home.
To my boys:
Marry a woman whose first
pursuit is God. After that, she
may be hard to please only if you
don’t know “the secret”. What is
that? I’m
glad you asked. The secret to
pleasing your wife is to make her
feel safe and treasured. You may
have to move out of your
comfort zone to do this at times.
She won’t always readily
translate the oil change to love,
though it means that. But let me
give you a “secret question”–a
question you need to ask her
often. It’s not just in the asking,
though. Be sure to focus your
eyes on hers, maybe even touch
her shoulder or face, and then
ask: “What’s on your mind these
days? “ And then be ready to
listen. She wants you to draw her
out. She will perceive this as your
protection over the matters of
her heart. Tenderness, listening,
protection. That’s what she
wants.
To you all:
If your wife or husband does
something really stupid, forgive.
If they do it again, forgive again.
Forgiveness must be the
propelling force in your lives
each day. Dwell on the strengths,
push out thoughts of their
weaknesses. Take every thought
captive–choose to love.
Here’s that part you are not
going to hear often:
If you find yourself “not happy”,
having lost attraction,
disinterested, etc., you are not
permitted to even think about a
divorce. If you find yourselves
arguing more and more, don’t
think for a minute that “the
children will be better off out of
this”, because they won’t.
The vows you took on your
wedding day were not
suggestions. They were covenant
vows, before a Holy God, family
and friends, to stay with this
person the rest of your life, even
if you don’t feel like it. You swore
a solemn oath and if you can’t
live up to it, don’t get married.
Decide up front that your
marriage is irrevocable. There is
far more motivation for getting
along if your “marriage house”
has no door.
Do not share intimate thoughts
or feelings with anyone of the
opposite sex. Do not find yourself
alone for any length of time with
such either.
Divorce is not a “private option”.
It will affect multiple families for
many generations. When you
“separate what God has joined”
you
permanently injure far more than
just yourself.
Guard your marriage as fiercely
as you would guard your own
life. Treat your spouse as an
extension of your flesh, just as
God sees you. Treat your spouse
like other family members. You
know, “you gotta love ‘em,
they’re the only family you’ve
got”.
I want you to be happy, I surely
do. But I will pray for you to be
holy.”
—— Author Unknown

MARRIAGE ADVICE FROM ANONYMOUS

 
2 Comments

Posted by on 12/01/2014 in Uncategorized

 

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